I haven’t written in a while. I had all intentions to write about a week ago, but then I got busy and the month of April got away from me. Then May came along, and it rained for about two weeks. I’m not even exaggerating. It has been raining so long that when the sun finally came out, it was a joyous sight. And then we had the most brilliant rainbow in the history of all rainbows.
Regardless of all that, here I am. Writing. I’ve been doing quite a lot of reading lately. I devoured “A Discovery of Witches” in about four days, and have yet to start the next book in the trilogy. But I hope to soon. I also read “Braving the Wilderness,” by Brené Brown. It was a great read about how to survive the wilderness we live in.
Then, I found a show on Netflix, “the Call to Courage,” where Brown speaks about vulnerability and courage. It was very inspiring, funny, and had much truth in it. And it got me thinking about the way I have lived my life.
When I was younger, I tried to never show my vulnerability. I didn’t cry in front of people. I thought that if someone saw me cry they would somehow see into my soul and understand something about me that i didn’t want them to see. I didn’t want others to figure me out. At the time, I don’t think I realized I was doing this. It just came naturally to me, to remain inside this shell I had built around myself.
Only a few people over the years have been able to crack open the shell and get me to open up. And let me tell you, once you crack into me, the floodgates are open and I don’t hold anything back. It’s actually scary thinking about all the things I have told people who do have this power. And I only open up to people I feel safe with.
Brown talked about how we need to be more vulnerable in our lives, and it got me thinking about the way I have evolved into a more vulnerable person. I have started to show my vulnerability a bit more, and I now cry in front of people without fear that they will judge me for it. I cry at movies, though more so in my living room than at the cinema. And I am not afraid of speaking up in front of others. This blog is a prime example of me attempting to be vulnerable in front of thousands of people who might read my post.
When I was younger I had little confidence, and I hated giving reports in front of the class. Public speaking was not my strong suit. I actually had nightmares about giving oral reports and screwing it up.
But now, I talk openly at meetings at work, and I don’t get that feeling that people will laugh at me. I know enough about what I’m talking about to speak with confidence. And if they do laugh, it’s because I said something funny. Which I do a lot.
I think confidence is key in letting us be vulnerable. Without it, we hold back and are not allowing ourselves to experience a moment to its full capacity. I think people are afraid of showing vulnerability, much like when I was younger. Because you feel like it’s opening you up to criticism and then people will know your weaknesses.
What I’ve found is that when you open up to others, they open up to you. If you are vulnerable, if you show that you have emotions and are human, others will see that and add to the conversation, if you will. Having the courage to be vulnerable shows others that you aren’t afraid. What is there to be afraid of, really? Why should we be afraid to tell people what we feel? Hiding your feelings only results in miscommunications, and it doesn’t end well. Trust me on this.
I think a lot of people are afraid of confrontation. They don’t want others to know how they feel because they think they’ll have control of them or something. I have never avoided confrontation because it only delays something that should be dealt with. I’m not one for drama.
I know I’ve written a lot. It’s mostly to make up for my lack of writing. But I just wanted to get these words out. I agree with Brown. We do need to be vulnerable. We need to show ourselves to others and not be afraid of what they think of us. If something isn’t working for you, speak up. If you want something, say so. If you love someone, tell them. Let people know who you are, and get out there in the world. Otherwise, you will remain inside a solitary shell, and it’s very lonely.
Once you come out of your shell, the world is a technicolor wonder. And even if you are all by yourself, you’re really not alone. When people start to see you for who you really are, you will never be lonely. And that vulnerability you thought was weakness has transformed you into the bravest person you know.