In the past few days I’ve spent a good majority of my free time playing spider solitaire. I am not proud of this. I could have accomplished quite a bit in the time I wasted on this game. And I have not won a single game. It is infuriating to think that a simple computerized card game is defeating me. But it has made me wonder about games, and winning, and how it connects to the larger picture. If I had won a game, I might not want to play the game anymore. The act of losing has made me want to play more, to prove that I can win at least one game (which has yet to happen, but I will win, someday…). Playing a card game is akin to how we live I believe. We go after the things we still haven’t “won” and losing makes us want things all the more. Whether it’s money, objects or people…our motivation for doing anything is related to how badly we want to win that particular thing.

When things come too easily to us, the desire for that thing is not as strong as it once might have been. Sometimes we appreciate things more when we’ve been made to wait for them, to earn them, to accept what is and accept that this is how things will be. I didn’t know if I was going to have a second child or not, after having a miscarriage in 2008. But I took care of myself, got healthier than I’ve been in a long time, felt like myself again in my own body, and then came Lucy.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes it’s good to lose things, because it makes you want to win more. It motivates you to try harder, to be better at what it is you’re trying to do. You may not see the positive aspects of not getting your way at first, but then when you do get what you’ve been trying to attain, it makes you feel so much better for what you have received.

I am thankful for all that I’ve lost and won in this life. And all that I hope to lose or win in the future. Because these trials and tribulations are what make me who I am, and they make me more of a complete person. And I love a good challenge.